PRIME MINISTER: Good morning. Before we start, I want to be absolutely clear about one thing, we are here to serve the British people, not the whim of the European (1) _______ ________. We are a proud nation and no bureaucrat in Brussels can tell us what to do. We are a democracy, not some perverse genuflexing mouse puppet on European finger. The idea of that makes me physically sick. They took our sovereignty, our dignity, the very essence of our Britishness, and what has the European Convention on Human Right ever done for us (2) ___ ______?
Man 1: Oh, the right for a fair trial.
PRIME MINISTER: What?
Man 1: The right for a fair trial.
PRIME MINISTER: That’s true I suppose.
Woman 1: The right for privacy?
PRIME MINISTER: Yes, all right, I grant you, fair trials and privacy are two things the ECHR has given us…
Woman 1: What about the freedom from (3) ________ and degrading treatment?
Man 2: Freedom of religion.
Woman 2: Freedom of expression.
Man 3: Freedom from discrimination.
Woman 1: Oh, what about freedom from slavery?
PRIME MINISTER: Yes, of course. Freedom from slavery goes without saying. But…
Man 1: Protecting victims of domestic violence.
PRIME MINISTER: Ok, ok. But (4) _______ ______ The right for a fair trial, the right for privacy, the freedom of religion, and the freedom of expression, freedom from discrimination, freedom from slavery and freedom from torture…
Woman 1: …and degrading treatment.
PRIME MINISTER: And degrading treatment, and protecting victims of domestic violence, but apart from these, what has the ECHR ever done for us?
Woman 1: Peace in Northern Ireland?
PRIME MINISTER: What?
Woman 1: I mean, the Good Friday Agreement depends on the ECHR, so, without it, we would have to (5) ______ _______ all over again, and what a palaver that would be! No, thank you.
PRIME MINISTER: Look. I am not against human rights, of course not, but we don’t need lectures from the frogs on the crowds. This is Britain. The land of Magna Carta. We invented human rights, for God’s sake. We should be writing our own Bill of rights and foisting it on the Europeans. Let’s see how they would like it then.
Man 1: We’ve already done that, actually.
PRIME MINISTER: What?
Man 1: Well, after we won the war, British (6) ______ ______ did draft a bill on Human Rights to help Europe sort itself out. You know, protect people from abuses of state power, that kind of thing.
PRIME MINISTER: Really?
Man 1: Oh yeah.
PRIME MINISTER: You sure?
Man 1: Oh yes.
PRIME MINISTER: Well, that’s good. What is it called?
Man 1: The European Convention on Human Rights.
PRIME MINISTER: Oh, fuck off!